Kill Me Now, Buttwad!

I must have a sign across the front windshield of whichever car I happen to be driving on any particular day.  (Friends, take note and be cautious about lending me your vehicles.  Unless, of course, you are feeling particularly adventurous or are counting on your insurance company to provide you with an entirely new ride.)  This is a sign that I can't personally see, but there are Buttwads out there galore who can and who seem to take immense pleasure in follow its directions literally. 

Take, for instance, the woman driving the little gold four-door job on the day I had my hip pre-op appointment slightly less than seven weeks ago.  Miracles can happen in the space of a single second, and it is truly a miracle that I made that appointment.  See, I was on the bypass, in the left turn land by the East Gate of Fort Huachuca.  The light turned red, and we in the turning land got our green arrow.  I wasn't even the first to turn.  Nope, not first, or even second.  I was THIRD.  So as I'm trundling up to turn left, here comes Little Miss Gold Car, who blows the red light at a fast and furious sixty-plus miles per hour.  She never even hit the brakes.

One second.

Yep.  One second more would have put me right in front of her, and she (and her passenger) would have solidly embedded themselves and their gold car into the passenger side of my Charger.  The Charger is a no-kidding heavy ride wearing a beautiful coat of metal-flake red, but at that speed... can you say "rollover?"

And then there's today.  Coming off Post again, this time driving the Montero, I had the green light.  I was in the correct lane, the one to go straight.  I headed into the intersection at about 20 mph or so (not having to stop because the light was green and stayed green, and not going very fast because this part is coming out of a 15 mph gate exit).  And when the red Nissan SUV accelerated and TURNED LEFT DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME, I had to slam on the brakes so hard that the passenger back seat lock released and it slammed into the back of the front passenger seat before bouncing back again.  (Thank God there was no passenger in it!)  And you know what?  The young male Buttwad driving the Nissan looked me straight in the eye, SMILED, and never broke eye contact during his entire turn.  Yep, he turned in front of me and kept smiling at me the entire time he was trying to kill me!

And then, about 45 minutes later, there was yet another Buttwad who decided that a yellow light on Coronado does not mean slow down.  Nuh-uh.  It means Speed The Hell Up And Run Through The Intersection On The Red Light So That The Vehicle Turning Left Has to Slam On Its Brakes.  This guy could even be called a Buttwad Squared -- B2 -- because he was driving a (white) BMW.  And did I mention that not long after they built this intersection (where Walmart and Lowe's are across from each other), there was a vehicle accident so horrible that people had to be airlifted to Tucson for  treatment despite us having a hospital only five minutes away?

So I warn you all:

PROTECT YOURSELVES -- BEWARE OF THE BUTTWADS IN SIERRA VISTA!

And you might have someone else check your windshield and make sure you don't have a sign like mine.  (Which, by the way, I borrowed from http://killmeenow.blogspot.com/ -- thanks!)

We Can Rebuild Her!

If you're wondering why I haven't been posting for the last six weeks, it would seem that the hip bone is connected to the brain bone which powers the writing bones which trigger the finger bones to type.

I'm sure you're wondering precisely how this can be.  It's not such a stretch, when you factor in a 9 inch incision, a big hunk of metal and plastic (as in a Zimmer Kinectic Total Hip), and a full set of stairs that laugh in the face of new body parts.  Lindsey Wagner/Jaime Sommers may have been all new and bionc-y when she woke from her transformation, but I, alas, was not.  The hip part wasn't really too bad, except for about a week of when the pain meds just seemed to stop working, in totality.  We had about six really unpleasant nights (we being me and The Husband), but he stuck it out.  Unfortunately sometimes really awesome career opportunities poke their heads up at really bad times, and I made him go on a trip to NYC to meet with his editors, etc.  That left me alone for about four days with paid help to feed the Danes (and, bless her, sometimes she fed me, too).  The entire hip thing wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for the bout of severe anemia.  Let me tell ya-- I'd replace the other hip before I'd go through that again.  It wiped me out, kept me in bed, and made me literally spiral into exhaustion just for trying to rearrange the pillows behind my back.  To be blunt, it SUCKED.  Between the hospital stay (and an emergency room x-ray to check the hip since the pain was so bad) and two weeks later, they pumped four units of blood into me and insisted I take an enormous iron pill (hey, hey -- 278% of your daily recommended allowance of iron!) every day for 30 days.  Today, by the way, is the last one, and I thank everything possible for that because these things will really twist up your digestive system.

So that's my sad and sorry story.  Am feeling better finally (yay!), although each physical therapy session (twice per week) wipes me out.  This worries me as Monday sees me back at work with PT on my lunch hour twice per week.  Okay, I admit I don't want to go back to work, but I really have no excuse.   I mean, brain power isn't governed by leg and hip exercises, right?  Bleh.

I'd still rather stay home and eat bon bons all day.  Okay, and maybe write some cool stories and stuff.  And yeah, maybe paint some cool stuff.  After all, I do have this awesome and fully furnished art studio in the next room that's just crying out for me to create a something-- a painting, a drawing, ANYTHING.  It has a few more things that need to be organized and put away, but oooooh, the temptation.  The want.

But still, there's this thing I have to work out and get out this week for sure, no excuses, that might hopefully work its way into something much, much better.

So much to do, and so little me.  How am I ever going to fit a full time job back into that??!

Who Wants Nookie?

Whoa-- what happened to the last three months??!

Remember when you were a kid and it seemed like summer vacation, or spring break, or above all, Christmas would just NEVER get here?  Then, of course, you'd be on summer vacation for a few weeks and you'd run out of sh--, er, stuff to do, and then you felt like school was just NEVER going to start again.

Remember?

And now... oooh, now.  "What do you mean, Christmas is almost here already?  What the hell happened to the last year, anyway?!"

The older we get-- let's hear it from the choir-- the faster times flies.

Sounds silly, but it's true.  An incredible amount of stuff has happened since my last post.  Alex has been in and come back out of the Navy, and shortly after that, she and her sweetheart got married.  And, if I may preen just a bit here, she wore my wedding dress.

Yep, The Husband and I have suddenly become in-laws.  Wait... we were just dating only a couple of months ago, right?

Somewhere along the way, the right hip that's been bugging me off and on since I was (literally) a kid suddenly decided to REALLY make itself known.  As in it ran out of cartilage, completely and totally.  The end result is that I get a brand new complete hip joint replacement at the end of this month.  My view?  They could do it tomorrow and it wouldn't be too soon.  Rather than whine about something that whining does nothing to make better, I will instead offer you a little nookie:

Come on-- you know you want it.  After years and years of being out of print, a quirky novel I wrote called DeadTimes is finally available again.  Do you have a Nook?  Then you can pick it up at Barnes & Noble here:  

 http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/deadtimes-yvonne-navarro/1102508953

 For those of you who don't need nookie (hee hee), run on over to Crossroad Press and pick it up in some other format.  The Husband, author Weston Ochse, being a man of many and multi-talents, designed the bookcover for me.  Tell me what you think:

I might be a bit biased, but I think he did a pretty awesome job!

DeadTimes is about a woman who doesn't want to die.  She makes a deal with you-know-who and she gets the short end of the supernatural stick.  Sounds pretty common, right?  But hey-- when have I ever stuck with common?  Nope.  Trust me, there are loads of surprises in here, twists, turns, monsters, magic, you name it.  Yeah, I know I wrote it but it's beautiful, it's dark, it's tragic, it's brutal, it's violent... all wrapped up in a nicely packaged ebook.  "Try it-- you'll like it!"  (Hey, Mikey!)

So I'm hobbling around and as always trying to catch up.  Swearing every day that I'm going to do better by this blog and by the great folks who take the time to read it.  So say hi, drop an opinion, fuss about something-- whatever.  Make yourselves at home.

Ciao!

Six Days and Counting...

Yes, it's true.  In only six days, my beautiful stepdaughter, Alex, goes into the Navy.  I am just a little freaked out about this.  She signed up in April of last year, and like summer vacation or Christmas to a ten-year-old, the actual reporting date for her Navy boot camp seemed forever away, a day that was mystical and would never actually GET here.

 
Now it's next Tuesday.  I'm happy for her.  I'm sad to see her go but I'm thrilled that she's starting a fantastic new life and possible career.  I want to see her turn 21, but I can't because she'll be at Great Lakes.  I want her to be safe.  I want her go on many great adventures. 

I want, I want, I want...

::sigh::

Viva La Television Interview on NPR!

Check it out -- The Husband, Weston Ochse, and I are interviewed by Mark McLemore on NPR's Arizona Public Media Show.  We are so awesome-- neither of us got tangled in the mic wires or even fell out of our chair!  It's not long (5:30 minutes), but it is pretty cool.  We're talking about Tucson Festival of Books, which takes place this coming weekend in Tucson, Arizona.  If you're in the area, come and look up our panels, say hi, pick up a book.  Seriously: Books Are Love.  And if you're not in the Tucson area?

It's worth the drive.
 

Evil Dogs and Smothering Boxes!

OMG, I have FINALLY escaped.  Because you're wondering (you know you are) where the heck I've been, I can only say that right after the Thanksgiving holiday, which we celebrated at the in-laws' house, I was taken prisoner by several nefarious entities.  These entities-- monsters, if you will-- masqueraded as boxes, packing tape, grumbling Great Danes, and black Magic Markers.  They forced me into a wardrobe-sized U-Haul box, taped it shut (there might have even been duct tape involved), and then parked outside of it and growled at me every time I moved.  To make sure I would behave, they tried to drive me insane by scribbling on the outside of the box with Magic Markers, over and over and over again.

I swear it's all true.

It was only recently that the plastic shipping tape weakened and I was able to shrink myself down to the size of a Chihuahua and slip quietly out a hole in the back left corner.  Months had passed.  Seriously.  Not only that, but Christmas had come and gone, the tree had been put up and taken down, and-- you'll love this-- we moved into a brand new house!  I mean, did anyone ASK me?  I couldn't find ANYTHING.  The box monsters had procreated (ew, don't ask) and their offspring were everywhere-- upstairs, downstairs, in the garage.  And they left the old place a mess, demanding that I go and clean it (a task still not finished).  So while I have finally escaped, the unfairness of it all remains.

Oh woe.
 

A Little Bit O' Me!

Gah. Where is the magic pill that makes me  twenty years young and gives me back the energy I had then?  I can't even begin to tell you how busy things are right now.  It seems like I wake up, blink five or ten times, and the day is so long past over that all I can do is fall into bed so I can do it all over again the next day.  I'd say there's a break coming up with the Thanksgiving holiday because I'm out of the office from noon on the Wednesday before and not going back until the first Monday in December, but alas.  Because of what we have going on then (not telling, not yet), it would be less stressful and less work to be at the office (which is no picnic, I'm just saying).  Not too long ago I advertised on my Facebook page for a clone but didn't get any takers, especially when The Husband got involved and added a whole list of his own demands.  Yes, this is me looking at the ceiling because I rolled my eyes so hard they got freakin' stuck.

 Anyway, I'll shuddup before someone asks if I want cheese with my whine (ha ha).  But to keep you amused right now, here's an interview of Yours Truly (me) -- http://rowena-cory-daniells.com/2011/11/19/meet-yvonne-navarro/ -- done by the talented, best-selling Rowena Cory Daniells, author of the King Rolen's Kin trilogy. 

Comments?   :o)

"Ah, Saturday. And not a single chore in sight!"

Well, maybe that's not exactly the truth, but I actually love that saying anyway. Every time i think of it, I flash to the great Jerry Van Amerongen cartoon plaque hanging on my garage wall:

Most weekends that's kind of our life mantra, but I'm not complaining. It's the same today, with some packing up that needs to be done so we can donate some old furniture, a yard to be mowed, etc. Still we're going to find time to ride the motorcycles to Tombstone and have lunch, enjoy the fantastic Arizona fall weekend. I'm hammering away on a vampire story called "Epiphany" that is currently over 12,000 words long and still has a couple of good scenes to go before I wrap it up. The Husband (Weston Ochse) is working hard on Seal Team 666. BirdZilla is hanging out on the patio, enjoying the sun, and Goblin, Ghost and Ghoulie are doing the after-breakfast snooze. Life is pretty good, and then a Google Alert made it even better, reminding me that there are still folks out there enjoying Highborn. Check it out: Writing With Tequila gave me Four Tequila Shots and called it a "great book." All in all, a pretty darned good Saturday, even if there really are chores in sight!

Wait... What Year Is It, Anyway??!

Hey... wouldja look at that date down there! August 4th... wow! I admit I got pretty disgusted with Blogger for awhile when it wouldn't let me post anything (hence the extra long titles in a couple of posts). In the interest of honesty, however, I also have to admit I have been severely lax about posting anything at all here. Out of sight, out of mind sort of thing.

I have not, however, been sitting here eating King Leo's Lemon Sticks while playing on Facebook. (Not that I wouldn't do just that, if some kind soul out there cares to send me a case. Just saying.) I've manged to crank out a couple of blogs here and there and even finished a couple of short stories. Okay, one short story (called "Faceless") and one novelette (titled "Advanced Directive"). "Advanced Directive" is a departure for me, one of only six novelettes I've written in my entire career. Haven't formally heard back on either yet, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to make a good announcement pretty soon. Right now I'm poking at another novelette. This one is called "Epiphany" and is the bad boy that's taking up all my time right now because it's way overdue, thanks to some miscommunication and funky email issues. I also have a Halloween blog due in four days, so I have to get cracking on that.

Summer seems to be gone here in southeastern Arizona. Lots of folks are breathing a sigh of relief. Me? I want my 100 degree days back. The nights are dropping well into the fifties and the house is cold when we wake up. I feel like a little desert lizard desperate to find a patch of sunlight in which to warm my old bones. But hey-- life is good.

I've never had to shovel a pile of desert to get out of my driveway in the morning.

Winner of the recent free book contest is Thistle Chaser from Sunnyvale, CA! She wins a signed copy of HIGHBORN plus two brand new paperback anthologies. Congratulations! (Still can't publish a blog - sorry!)